I don’t often dream of jokes, but last night a real doozy came to me while I slumbered.

And yes, it is about T-Pain.

“Doc, I’ve got a problem. I’ve become addicted to T-Pain.”
“Well, you’re going to have to stop listening to him — I advise you go Cold T-Purkey.”

And that’s the joke I dreamed last night!

Oh no, if we keep referring to the pandemic as “Swine Flu,” our nation’s hog farmers will be unfairly tarnished!!!

We must refer to it as “H1N1.001 Disease Vector #7g,” or something.

YEAH, RIGHT! SWINE FLU FOR LIFE!!!

So I went all week without looking at a single political blog. I gotta say, I can’t believe I did it.

No Talkingpointsmemo.com …

No Ezra Klein …

No Matthew Yglesias …

No Huffington Post …

No other blogs, really, except I looked at a few of my friends’ blogs that don’t really cover politics …

What have I learned? What are my thoughts and impressions?

1. I feel less stress. I know, from looking at headlines and listening to the radio, that this would have been an “A-1 Classic Freak-Out Week” for me, if I had read blogs all day: Swine flu goin’ buck wild; Specter switch-a-roo; Obama press conference; more torture this-n-thats; dropped spy charges against the AIPAC dudes — I would have been all over all of that if I was reading my blogs. (Especially Swine Flu; I would have gone berserk on that.) I feel less anxiety and stress about the world, which in the end is probably good, right?

2. I have no idea what’s going on, really. I mean, I understand that the world is teetering on the edge of a pandemic, and that Chrysler was forced to declare bankruptcy by Fiat(?), and that Obama had his 100-day anniversary, but that’s about all I know. When I hit the cocktail party circuit tonight, I’ll probably do more listening than talking … hmm, is that healthy? Listening to other people’s words, instead of trying to crush them in an avalanche of my own words? This may require further study …

3. Not reading blogs makes me more reliant on — AND more skeptical of — what I hear on the radio. This morning I was making some red-pepper dip and listening to Public Radio. I really felt like I had to listen close, because I wouldn’t be able to hit the blogs if I missed a story. On the other hand, the whole time I was thinking, “How will I understand the secret bias in this coverage without hitting up my favorite blogs?” So I kind of ignored everything I was hearing, even as I listened closely to it. Is that what Zen buddhism is like?

More thoughts and impressions later … for now, let me say: THERE IS A WORLD BEYOND BLOGS, WHO WOULDA-HAVE A-THUNK IT.

Elizabeth Cotten and Pete Seeger.

Nice article about “Pete 90,” aka “90-Cent,” aka Pete Seeger.

Seeger, for me, is the hub around which a bunch of difficult existential issues pivot: irony versus earnestness, cleverness versus vulnerable honesty, isolation versus community, keeping quiet versus singing out.

LOL, if only I had any experience dealing with these tensions in my own life …

Listen to the first question/answer at this press conference!

The reporter was probably like, “Ooooookay.”

Sometimes speaking truth to power can be a bit of a downer. But I guess that’s how Pete 90 rolls …

Reader FB writes in with news of an amazing TPM blog post I missed during last week’s blog blackout:

David, I don’t know if you are still participating in a blog blackout, but JMM needs you!

“Who can tell me the names of some good, up-and-coming political comics in New York City?”

JMM and MNFTIU on the road, doing political comedy … on a big tour bus … purple sheets … plenty of dope and MERLOT (it’s in the rider, nothing you can do about it) … playing sold-out arenas all over the country … “Seen a million faces / and I’ve blogged ‘em all” … late-night breakfasts at the Waffle House … the dream can be a reality …

Doc Watson and Pete Seeger:

“Here comes the pitch.”

This is a totally rippin’ version of “Cindy,” which by the way originated in North Carolina. Tar Heel State representing very hard this week? By the way, I gotta put Buffy Sainte-Marie up there with Nina Simone and Stevie Nicks as one of the all-time great female pop voices. What a voice.

I’m feeling this one 1,000%. Destroying.

I got on a total Buffy Sainte-Marie kick after watching that “Cindy” video, and I was thinking, “I wonder if there’s a youtube video of her singing my favorite song from that album where she’s looking like a total bad-ass ninja — the song that makes me goosebumpledy every time?”

And then I do my research, and guess what? 90-CENT HAD IT LOCKED FROM THE GET-GO.

Buffy Sainte-Marie and Pete Seeger, “Men of the Fields.”

WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?

Welcome to the Pete Seeger Birthday Edition of FRIDAY FACE-OFFS.

Could there be any doubt about this week’s song? It’s “My Humps,” by the Black Eyed Peas.

Just kidding, it’s “This Land is Your Land,” by Woody Guthrie.

Let’s do this!

From a concert that was going on the same night as the Seeger MSG show — Sharon Jones tears up that ribbon of highway. Things get set off at around 2:00.

One thing we love about living in our town is seeing Pete Seeger running around in his crazy hats and floppy sweaters.

But this guy is bringing a serious sweater style to the game — he’s putting 90-Cent on notice!

LOL, this video makes me pretty sad. YEAH RIGHT LET’S DO THIS–

Tom Morello is the medicine, Anti-Flag is the spoonful of sugar.

PATRIOTIC CONCH SHELL ACTIVATE

2,000 guitarists playing “This Land is Your Land” simultaneously.

I can’t tell if this is the corniest musical moment of all time, or the most avant-garde.

One thing I do know, though: When Country Joe McDonald says, “One more time!” it means “Twenty more times.”

He wants you to feel it. (Especially around 2:00.) Do you feel it?

Something about this video just does it for me. Maybe because it reminds me of when I made a three-string dulcimer at summer camp in the Blue Ridge Mountains, and then I walked around the house all year, going “plunk plink plonk” on it, trying to playing Minutemen songs on it?

And also, is the guy very pumped to play “This Land Is Your Land?” Is he pretty sad about it? And at 0:31, is he really, really sad? And does he wail on that final chord very hard? And, yeah, just one last time to reiterate, at 1:35, is he wailing very hard when you look at his facial expression?

And also, is his hoodie yellow enough? Hmm … can’t tell if his hoodie is holding shit down very hard.

FRIDAY FACE-OFFS! Winning video is next!

This week’s winning video is HERE.

PLEASE CLICK THAT LINK.

Holy smokes, you will not be disappointed.

HONORABLE MENTION:

Have a good weekend.

Have you ever done yoga? It’s an exercise system (like Bowflex, but no equipment) that’s over 100 years old.

You should check it out!

I’ve started doing yoga. I’ve done it three times. Basically the group leader tells you to do all these freaky stretches and hold the positions for what seems like fifteen minutes until your legs start to shake and the sweat dripping off your brow sounds like comedy-club rimshots.

I’ll share more of my thoughts/impressions later. For now, you should know that YOGA IS REAL and IT IS COMING FOR YOU.

Now that I’ve done yoga a few times, I’ve picked up some tips you might be interested in if you’re about to enter the “YOG-ZONE.”

1. When you’re doing “Downward-Facing Dog,” stick your butt way up in the air so it’s easier for yoga to totally kick it.

2. When you’re doing “Warrior” (?– the one where your legs are apart and your arms are outstretched), bring a real bow and arrow to hold so you look like a real warrior.

3. Whenever the teacher says, “And now we’ll move into Child’s Pose (the one where you collapse like a wimp and lie there, panting and defeated),” reply with, “ABOUT TIME, GODDAMN ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME WITH ALL THESE POSES?”

What is it about turtles? Why do they always mention turtles?

JMM on Dick Cheney:

You start to get the sense that just as Cheney committed his historic goof of launching off into Iraq while forgetting about dealing with al Qaida in Afghanistan and Pakistan he was doing something similar getting all wrapped up in the tough guy porn of torture that he remained ignorant of or just plain ignored the actual nuts and bolts of taking down or disabling terrorist organizations.

As a relatively lazy person who resents doing difficult things, this analysis makes me sympathetic to Cheney. If you gave me the choice of A.) making a sustained, disciplined intellectual investment in understanding the structure, motivation, cultural origins of, and systemic characteristics of terrorist organizations (organizations, remember, based in a culture I knew almost nothing about, which means I’d probably have to read even more books), or B.) pouring water up some guy’s nose … there’s no question what I’d do.

One option makes me feel tough, and the other is BORING and a lot of work.

Obama wimps out on releasing prisoner photos.

I was going to try to make yoga tonight, and do some “Flow Yoga,” I think that’s what you call it, where the teacher makes you do endless cycles of impossible positions, but time got away from me.

So, no yoga tonight.

But that’s OK, tomorrow is another day. Another day where maybe I can get buck-wild and drop some yoga-bombs on everyone … Child’s pose, get ready, I’m coming for you …

Yoga classes are catering to big dawgs:

A few blocks away at MegaYoga, Megan Garcia offered her students another way to manage belly fat: just pick it up and move it. Demonstrating a seated spinal twist at the front of the room, Mrs. Garcia, a plus-size model, lifted the flesh of her midsection and moved it to the side, which enabled her to twist more deeply.

HELL YES.

I’ve got a comic in the June issue of Harper’s magazine. They accidentally printed the first draft, not the final draft, so just imagine the comic being 10% more funnier and polished.

Thanks!

I guess the NY Times heard that I was dabbling in yoga, so now they’re publishing all these articles about yoga:

It was 9 a.m. on a recent Saturday. The decibel level rose to that of a rowdy cocktail party. The crowd was a mix of Type-A careerists and tattooed freelancers who mold their work schedules around their yoga practice — or professionally accessorize their Lululemon outfits with heavy engagement rings.

LOL, sounds just like me. Was I there? Did I fly to L.A. to participate in the most elite, most hardcore-yet-fun yoga class with the creme de la of the crem? Only I know for sure …

“Child’s Pose.”

BREAKING … LIVE FROM THE COFFEE SHOP … 

Thanks to all the MNFTIU Laptop Fundraiser donors, I am now blogging from a coffee shop … a longtime dream fulfilled, due entirely to the generosity of my readers … THANK YOU …

By the way, I went to a new yoga class last night (my fifth class), and the more I learn about yoga, the more I wonder if maybe it wasn’t started in America … lots of foreign-sounding words and phrases last night … maybe Asian(?) or Indian(?) … maybe after a few more classes I’ll work up the courage to ask my teacher, “Hey, where did this crazy exercise system come from, anyway? I thought Abraham Lincoln invented it.”

But for now, I’m having a blast twisting my lower back all out of shape and compressing my spine on this wrinkledy-ass old couch at the coffee shop, using my new laptop! (By the way for everyone who was curious, I bought a refurbished MacBook — or as my mother-in-law pronounces it, a “McBook.”)

Here are the stats:
Model Name: MacBook
Model Identifier: MacBook5,1
Processor Name: Intel Core 2 Duo
Processor Speed: 2.4 GHz
Number Of Processors: 1
Total Number Of Cores: 2
L2 Cache: 3 MB
Memory: 2 GB
Bus Speed: 1.07 GHz

No OS9, alas, but I guess that’s the “new normal.” OS9, your name will forever ring out in my mind.

More blogging next week! I’m gonna blog from the top of a tree if it kills me.

I went to Friday night yoga and the teacher mentioned that a famous, influential yoga teacher had just died. She then proceeded to work out her grief on our sweaty, broken bodies. (Seriously, I was hurting BAD. The seam in my boxer briefs ripped TWICE, and it was NOT QUIET.)

So I got home and did some internet research about this famous yogi. His name was Sri K. Pattabhi Jois and he popularized a yoga technique called “Ashtanga”:

Considered one of the most physically demanding of yoga practices, Ashtanga presents six increasingly challenging sequences of poses. A student must show proficiency in one sequence before going on to the next. Only a small number of practitioners have achieved every level.

I can tell you right now, I’m not going within 500 miles of Ashtanga yoga technique.

Jois was 94 years old. SCORE! You can read about him here.

Crazy dream last night … I dreamt I was updating my twitter account with like 10 tweets, writing more and more tweets, without even having time to post them. While I was writing the tweets (on my desktop computer; I don’t think that’s how you actually do it, but…), an avalanche of tweets was coming in from other twitterers. So I had to comment on those tweets, which meant my earlier, unpublished tweets were already fading into irrelevance …

Guys, I can’t get with twitter. I’m a yoga guy now. Breathing, stretching, doing all these crazy animal-positions to clear my mind and give me focus– I think my scary twitter dream was sent by the universal consciousness to warn me about twitter. (Do yoga people believe in the universal consciousness, or did I just make that up? I’ll do some internet research and figure it out.)

Anyway, that was my dream about twitter. AREN’T YOU SO GLAD YOU’RE READING THIS AMAZING BLOG?

I had almost forgotten about Bernard Kerik, one of my great heroes. He’s back in the news.

I wonder if he would be willing to serve as my yogi (exercise teacher)? I think he has much to teach the willing student. I would ask him to help me perfect my warrior pose, for he is truly a warrior. He probably knows secret warrior poses that would blow your mind.