More Sponsor Ads From Days-Gone-By

Digging around in the ol’ hard drive, I came across more sponsor ads … I remember when every corporation wanted a piece of this web site … back in HTML-days …

ANGEL BEEF: Gee, who could have ever predicted that thousands of Americans would get sick from this beef? Here’s a hint: Don’t buy meat advertised via animated gif. I had to put a cyber-attorney on retainer in case the USDA decided to raid my web site to confiscate this pop-up ad. Fortunately this was back when I was hand-coding my entire site in HTML, which is considered “international waters” in cyberspace. Needless to say I never got paid for this ad. I also never ate the complimentary beef they sent me because it arrived in a recycled L.L. Bean box.

SHOE CLUSTERS, INC: When this guy called to place an ad, he spent forty-five minutes trying to explain his business to me and I still couldn’t figure it out. He kept saying “shoe clusters, shoe clusters,” and after a while I was like, “whatever, I’ll run the ad.” As far as I could tell, this guy “Ralph” sold tightly-packed groups of shoes. That’s it. That’s a “shoe cluster.” Huh? You wouldn’t even necessarily get a matching pair of shoes, or shoes of the same size — just a closely grouped assortment of random shoes from some warehouse Ralph had the keys to. Did anybody ever click on this pop-up ad and place an order? All I know is, I wish ol’ Ralph had sent me a “money cluster,” because he never paid for the ad.

CUSTOM ANIMAL MITTENS: I admit, I thought I’d make a billion dollars from the click-thrus on this ad. I mean, it’s animal mittens. “Choose animal, choose mitten.” Who doesn’t love animals? Who doesn’t love mittens? Well, according to my financial records, EVERYBODY. I made no money off this ad and after a few weeks these guys’ phone didn’t even work anymore so I gave up and pulled the ad. Oh and by the way, thanks for the free mitten (singular) guys, what am I supposed to do with ONE MITTEN with a green walrus stitched into it?