MNFTIU Movie Review: “Fast & Furious” (2009)

Very disappointing. I went to this movie thinking it was called Fasting Furriers. I thought it was a documentary about fur-coat salesmen who go on a hunger strike to protest how evil their profession is. I was expecting to see emaciated fur-coat salesmen stumbling down 5th Avenue, weeping about “What am I doing with my life, I can’t sleep at night because of the screaming baby seals, oh God, have mercy on me.”

Instead, what do I see? A bunch of cars racing around and getting blown up and ladies in bikinis rubbing their behinds against cars and Vin Diesel standing around mumbling and looking like he literally wants to have sex with a car.

This movie has NOTHING to do with the fur trade. It has NOTHING to do with ascetic fasting as a self-annihilating moral discipline.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHEN WILL VIN DIESEL MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT ASCETIC FASTING AS A SELF-ANNIHILATING MORAL DISCIPLINE?

Two out of nine stars.

By the way, do you like the image accompanying this movie review? There are more such wonderful images here.