Ladies and gentlemen, I got so involved in my laptop fundraiser I neglected to bring you the HOTTEST HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP from BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE FABULOUS.

Here’s what the little birds have been whispering in my ear this morning:

Andrew Dice “The Dice Man” Clay has been tapped to star in “Eternal Stammering of the Button-Down Mind,” the long-delayed BOB NEWHART BIOPIC … this counterintuitive bit of casting was an abandoned brainchild left on the doorstep of director WES CRAVEN … Craven has also requested a script re-write, replacing all of Bob Newhart’s classic comedy routines with Dice Clay’s routines … according to Craven, “this film will show audiences a side of Newhart they’ve never seen before — a side that never existed until now” … should be interesting … a biopic “mash-up,” I like this trend …