All good in the Afghanihood:

Kept afloat by billions of dollars in American and other foreign aid, the government of Afghanistan is shot through with corruption and graft. From the lowliest traffic policeman to the family of President Hamid Karzai himself, the state built on the ruins of the Taliban government seven years ago now often seems to exist for little more than the enrichment of those who run it.

LOL, the “Good War.”

Lots of historical stuff happened in 2008, but I think the most significant development of the year was HOW AWESOME ALL THE POLLS WERE. Hardcore MNFTIU-Heads will remember that I commissioned about 500 polls in the immediate aftermath of the presidential election, and everyone was so excited about my polls they jumped up and down!

Here’s my list of the TOP TEN POLLS OF 2008:

1. Zogby/PPP Red State Tracker (3/6/08):
M: 25%
O: 51%
H: 8%
G: 52%
(n = 9,035)

2. Newsweek Online (5/12/08):
M: 23%
O: 94%
(n = 25,473,075)

3. MNFTIU “Gut Check 9000″ (11/3/08):
M: 14,023,082
O: 12,953,087
(n = 325,303,117)

4. Fivethirtyeight.com Aggregate Sample (10/30/08):
X: 58,004
Y: 208,011

5. USA Today/Gallup Tracker (10/30/08):
M: 8,260,987,460,987
O: 3,874,670,308,923
(Remember how crazy everyone got after this poll was released? Amazing.)

6. Gallup Robocall Special (7/12/08):
“Don’t Know”: 40%
“Don’t Fear The Reaper”: 15%

7. Zogby/Zagat Spaghetti Poll About Who Cooks The Best Spaghetti (8/1/08):
David Rees: 100%!!!!

8. Gallip (Gallup knock-off –ed.) SuperPoll TM(11/1/08):
M: 762,345%
O: 569,034%
(I smashed a car window after this poll was released.)

9. “Ultra-Decimal” Brand Tracking Poll (9/15/08):
M: 25.00029
O: 83.28062
H: 8.000015
G: 625.8222

10. New York Times/Washington Post 2012 Preview Poll (12/2/08):
H: 2539845
J: 908348
L: 965390
P: 087360

Here I am in the store, ready to SELL SOME WINE!  Email me if you want to know where the store is. It is the best wine store in the Hudson Valley. (Would I work anywhere else?)

Looking around, I see over 100 bottles of wine. From bargain-priced reds (my favorite) to really expensive and fancy champagne! LET’S DO THIS!!!

Just sold a bottle of Carpene Malvolti Prosecco . . . a fine sparkling wine for your mind! The wine comes in a 750ml bottle — a big fat bottle — and you can drink it before a meal or on its own.

Come in and get some wine . . . it’s one of the all-time best drinks ever invented.

My wife just sold, like, four bottles of wine to someone. They were looking for this hot wine called “Luzon Verde,” which we happen to have in stock because I just unloaded a case of it because it’s one of the bangin’-est new wines on the scene.

Another thing that happened was a wine salesman stopped by with his new catalog. But my wife and I aren’t authorized to buy any wine for the store, so we just accepted the catalog and said we would pass it along to the owners.

Then something really crazy happened — the wine salesman ASKED IF WE WANTED TO DRINK A SAMPLE OF WINE! He said, “Would you like to try the new Cote du Rhone”(?) and we were like, “Umm, no thank you because we’re both chewing gum at the moment.”

JUST ANOTHER DAY IN THE WORLD OF WINE . . . I think I could get used to this . . . Let me sell you some wine . . . city friends, come on up on the commuter train and I’ll sell you some delicious tasty wine like you wouldn’t believe . . .

Guys, I had a stroke of wine-related genius this afternoon. People love wine, right? And what goes well with wine? FOOD. People love to drink wine and eat food at the same time. And this wine store that I’m looking after has a world-class kitchen. It even has one of those stoves called “WOLF STOVE” that looks like it could cook a moose in about ten minutes.

So what’s my genius idea? I decided to bake some bread. When the evening rush starts, people will walk into the store and say, “Oh my God, what smells so good? Is that fresh bread?” and I’ll be like, “It is, and would you look to buy about fifty bottles of wine to go with it?”

I’ll let you know how my experiment in sales psychology turns out . . . 

Beacon, NY — Remember how I said I was going to bake some bread to make the wine shop smell nice for customers?

TOTAL SUCCESS . . . EVERYONE IS COMMENTING ON THE WONDERFUL SMELLS COMING FROM THE KITCHEN . . . No surprise there; you put me in the same room as some flour and yeast, you know there’s gonna be trouble . . . mad loaves poppin’ out of the WOLF STOVE (by the way, that stove gets pretty cold, LOL, small burn on my finger right now, LOL stove not kickin’ very much butt) . . .

More customer sales initiatives tomorrow! For now, how about buying some wine?

ALERT — ALERT — MUST CREDIT MNFTIU.CC, THE HOTTEST NEW BLOG ABOUT WORKING IN A WINE STORE — ALERT

Beacon, NY — You thought we weren’t in the big leagues? YOU THOUGHT WRONG. My wife just sold a WHOLE CASE OF WINE to a customer! It was a case of red wine (red wine is one of the best types of wine; in fact, I would say it is the BEST wine currently available, until someone learns how to make a wine out of Preston Sturges comedies).

So, yeah, basically, we’re just selling the heck out of some wine right about now . . . come on down and get some of this awesome wine . . . you can buy a wine to go with just about any food other than waffles.

Just sold a bottle of organic Malbec . . . customer seemed very pleased. What can I say? “We endeavor to give satisfaction.”

About to make some more fresh bread for the evening rush . . . I’ll let you know how the customers react . . . LOL, I am learning their ways, controlling their very desires . . . YOU SHALL KNOW US BY THE TRAIL OF OUR WINE. . .

Guys, something tells me we’re gonna get a big rush tonight. I don’t know why, I’m just getting that vibe. (A great salesman can always pick up on certain sub-audible tremors in the retail-o-sphere — and the tremors are BANGIN’ right now.)

I expect we’ll move some bottles tonight!

By the way? Just sold a bottle of MERLOT to a nice lady. Merlot, for you “wine-tards” out there who don’t know anything about wine, is just about one of the HOTTEST WINES around. It’s basically like a Cabernet, but has more of a “restaurant” vibe. As far as I’m concerned, it’s one of the top ten wines available these days.

In fact, I’m making Merlot my WINE OF THE DAY. (That means you have to buy fifty bottles of Merlot if you want to be my friend.)

Good morning! It’s our last morning running the wine shop.

But fortunately, we find ourselves invigorated by CONTROVERSY!

Some hardcore anti-Merlot goofballs are pushing back against my praise of Merlot yesterday . . . more soon . . .

Regular reader (and long-time personal nemesis) JK writes in to say:

Dude–careful, careful… Merlot straight up actually NOT considered a quality wine… Merlot considered a grape good for blending with other grapes to produce fresh notes, blending with Cabernet Sauvignon, Malbec, Cabernet Franc, and in Italy w/ Italian grapes I don’t know about… Only passable on its own… Your wine owner friend is going to crush you for this… Get Wine for Dummies copy immediately, commence reading -

Excuse me? “Wine For Dummers?!?” Who’s the dummy? Because I’m straight-up RUNNING A WINE SHOP while you sit around in your jammies hitting refresh on my blog.

As far all that stuff about “blending with other grapes to produce fresh notes,” I don’t know what you’re talking about. Grapes? Where do grapes come into all this? Fresh notes? What is this, a rock concert? I’m not running a Guitar Center over here . . . last time I checked there weren’t any skinny 12 year-olds plunking away at “Stairway to Heaven” on $1,999 guitars while Mom and Dad hold hands and their eyes glaze over . . .

My wife / co-worker just informed me that Zinfandel is a red wine.

I always thought it was a white wine!

Just sold ANOTHER bottle of Merlot!!! And guess what? The customer could NOT HAVE BEEN HAPPIER.

LOL, guess he didn’t get the message about “You need to mix Merlot with other wines to make it taste good because of the notes of the raisins,” or whatever hogwash the anti-Merlites are spouting these days.

MERLOT FOR LIFE!!!

Come on in and buy some wine . . . reasonable prices, great selection . . . each wine has been tasted and analyzed by the store owners (true fact) . . . you can’t go wrong with these wines . . .

For all the anti-Merlot marauders out there, trying to harsh on my Merlot — just want you to know that a couple nights ago I drank half a bottle of Merlot while I ate half a chocolate cake and it was AWESOME.

So who’s the wine genius now?

Answer: ME.

Of all the things I’ve learned while working at the wine shop these last few days, one of the most surprising is this:

You can’t tell how expensive or fancy a wine is by looking at its label.

Some of the best wines have the clunkiest, most dumbest-looking labels. Seriously, dudes: Quark XPress 3.0 much?

On the other hand, sometimes I’ll see a label that looks totally gorgeous and say, “No way could I afford this wine — look at that scripty, fancy font and the picture of the French field on it!” and then — BOOM — the wine costs, like, $9.99. AND YES, I AM TALKING ABOUT MERLOT.

I guess a wine bottle’s label is like a book’s cover: You can’t judge a book by it.

Just sold a bottle of white wine to a woman who wanted to cook with it. I guess she’s making a fish stew or something.

True life tales of wine . . . they don’t stop . . .

Here’s a “behind-the-scenes” tale to give you a sense of what life is like at the wine shop:

The owners have this thing called “Pandora” which is an internet radio station that automatically plays music you like. And they have all these different stations they customized for their shop: Oldies, String Ensemble, Indie Twee Pop (blecch), etc.

But some of the stations they’ve designed seem like “after hours” stations, like: Would you really listen to your Huey Lewis & The News station during shop hours? Wouldn’t that make your customers think you’re bonkers?

Also, Classic Rock station? Are we really allowed to listen to this station while trying to sell fine wines to a sophisticated clientele?

Well, I just spoke to one of the owners and the answer is: YES!!!

CURRENTLY JAMMING TO ZZ TOP ON PANDORA RADIO WHILE SURROUNDED BY WINE!!! This works for me.

Buy some wine . . . enjoy some classic rock . . .

OH SNAP “SLOW RIDE” JUST CAME ON . . . wine store officially entering “Off The Hook” territory . . . you better come by and get a piece of this . . . I will be pairing Foghat and Merlot ALL NIGHT LONG . . .

Two more hours to go in the shop, and then my wine-selling days are done!

So stop by and let me sell you some wine!

I won’t even make you buy Merlot if you don’t want to . . . I’ll sell you Pinot Noir instead (it’s like a dark, moody Merlot).

Shoot, I’ll even sell you some fine Chardonnay (it’s like a lighter, dryer, Merlot, with more circus elements in it; I think it’s also a different color).

The point is: WINE.

More drama at the wine shop:

A woman just came in and bought some kind of white wine that we had to get out of the refrigerator. I just about lost my mind with excitement! Because when she asked if we had a bottle in the fridge (I think it’s called a “wine chiller,” or “chardonnay cabinet,” or some kind of technical thing, but it’s basically a fancy fridge with a see-though door — which all fridges should have, when you really think about it), I had a little panic attack, like, “If we don’t have this in the fridge will she cuss me and walk out of the store?” so then I went and looked in the fridge and — YES! – we had a bottle of the wine and I was like, “Yes ma’am, I have a bottle right here.”

Holy smokes, I was SO PUMPED at that point I almost said, “You know what? This calls for a celebration. Let’s drink that bottle right now. You don’t even have to pay for it.”

But of course, professionalism comes first . . . courtesy, respect, fine wine . . . they all taste great together.

TRUE LIFE TALES OF WINE . . . the drama continues . . .

Some friends just stopped by to say “Hello” and “It’s so awesome you guys are running the wine shop.”

They asked if I could recommend a nice bottle of wine.

DONE. Bing - bang - boom.

They walked out with a nice bottle of wine at a good price, and I got to sell my friends some wine.

THAT’S HOW WE DO IT.

True life tales of wine . . . the drama continues . . .

Last loaf of my fresh bread is about to pop out of the oven . . . come and get it if you want it . . . wine store livin’ . . .

True life tales of wine . . . we don’t stop . . .

Ladies and gentlemen, SHOP IS CLOSED. The lights are dimmed, the floors are mopped, and the wines are all sleeping in their cute little bottles for the night.

As for me? I’m chillin’! (Like that special refrigerator I was talking about, see below.)

My wife is enjoying a glass of “Zweigelt,” whatever the heck that is. She’s saying something about how it’s some kind of red grape from Austria, and I’m like, “Whatever, does it go with cake?”

Seriously, it was really fun running the wine shop. Thanks to all the customers who came in and bought wine.

And thanks to the owners of the wine shop!!! (Not sure if they want to be publicized as associating with good ol’ mnftiu.cc; I’ll find out and if they’re OK with it, I’ll post the store information and you guys can bum-rush it and buy fifty cases of wine.)

Oh, one more thing? To all the people who prank-called the shop today, saying “MERLOT IS FOR GIRLS,” or “CAN YOU RECOMMEND A CHAB-LISS?” and then hanging up? First of all, I’m a Merlot thug for life, I don’t care what you think because you’re obviously IGNORANT about wine. Second of all, PLAYTIME IS OVER. The shop owners are back tomorrow and if people keep burning up their phone line, trying to get one over on ol’ David Rees, I might get in trouble. So please make fun of me on email, not on the phone.

Many thanks to all, and to all a good wine.

We’re back!

I know, I know, you were terrified that the economy would lead to massive Friday Face-Off Layoffs. I don’t think so. We’re not some wimpy-ass Broadway show that closes at the first sight of a downturn. We’re not some creepy Ponzi scheme that collapses under its own weight. We’re not some under-regulated financial instrument nobody understands that’s allowed to grow to fifty times its natural size and consume everything in its path before flaming out in a conflagration of capitalist excess.

We’re something else:

We’re Friday Face-Offs!!!

We’re not going anywhere!!!!!

Welcome to the ELEVENTH INSTALLMENT of an internet legend!

This week’s FRIDAY FACE-OFF is (what else?): “Red Red Wine” by Neil Diamond. Watch the original version here:

This is in honor of WINE WEEK, the week when we blogged from a wine shop!!!

Pay attention, first contestant up next!!!

FRIDAY FACE-OFFS IS BACK!!! POUR SOME MERLOT AND GET READY TO ROCK!!!

Live from the Glastonbury Music Festival:

You know, I went to the Glastonbury Festival way back in olden times. The Velvet Underground played a reunion show. BORRRRING! Why does everyone think that band was so great? “Let’s plonk around on two notes and sing through our noses while Andy Warhol films a skyscraper for twenty hours.” WAY TO ROCK, GUYS.

If I had a choice between seeing a Velvet Underground reunion show and a “The Guy In This Video” reunion show, I would be choosing the latter faster than you can say, “Drank a whole bottle of Cabernet for breakfast,” which is obviously what he did.

FRIDAY FACE-OFFS!!!

(Only six contestants this week, because I’m behind schedule.)

What’s crazier: The fact that these guys practice in the acoustical abattoir of a COMMERCIAL STORAGE SPACE . . .

Or that they follow the “No Girls Allowed In Our Rock ‘N’ Roll Man-Zone” rule even while including a girl in their band?

C’mon guys, why make her set up her “keebs” in the storage space hallway? And also, is her keyboard even plugged in? Or did she win some kind of local cereal-box contest where first prize is you get to pretend to practice with the hottest band in Milksboro Storage Facility?

LOL, the other girl in the video is having the time of her life. You can tell from her body language, LOL. Man, if somebody could figure out how to bottle the body language of “girls watching their boyfriends’ bands practice,” they could make a million dollars selling it to people who want to look like they’re ten seconds away from jumping off a bridge out of boredom.

Then again, I can’t really hate on these guys for their practice space, since it looks cleaner than 90% of the places I used to practice in (yes, I used to play in a ROCK BAND, I’m that cool). LOL, “Sound Museum” in Allston, MA — that was a nice practice space. LOL, loved the beer bottles everywhere, the smell of beer . . . LOL, shared the space with a guy who drew a huge CHARLES MANSON MURAL on the wall of our room . . . good vibes . . . conducive to our musical project of writing retro love ballads, LOL . . .

Friday Face-Offs! GIRLS STAY OUT IN THE HALL!!!

(By the way, thanks to reader CV for suggesting this week’s FFO.)

This is like a fine glass of Moltepichianno (sp): Big, brassy, BOLD!

Let’s see . . . which of these images is my favorite?

1. 0:21 - “A nice place for wine-sipping”
2. 0:25 - “Taking a nap in a pool of white wine”
3. 0:31 - “Entering the Lord’s wine shop; 10% off all cases of Eucharist wine”
4. 0:57 - “Who put LSD in my wine?”
5. 1:13 - “Feeling drowsy from all the wine”

I had to put this video on the list because the singer is singing in Italian and Italians make the best wines! I think all the best red wine comes from Italy, and all the best white wine comes from California. France, you can try again next year! All the other countries like Argentina, Australia, etc. — they’re all a bunch of bullshit. All their wines suck and nobody should buy them.

Also, beer is better than wine.

LOL, just kidding, wine rules and everyone knows it!!! ANYBODY WHO’S NOT DRINKING WINE RIGHT NOW IS A FREAK.

(Just kidding, don’t drink wine until nighttime. “Night time is the right time for wine time,” that’s what I always say.)

FRIDAY FACE-OFFS!!!

Wine.

(NOTE: This video features adult/bizarre content, which is not endorsed or condoned by Friday Face-Offs.)

Having said that, may I now say this is the GREATEST VIDEO OF ALL TIME?

If you’ve ever wanted to know how kids view grown-ups’ relationship to wine, watch this video.

This video almost makes me feel ashamed of my love of wine, because when I watched it, I was like, “Yep, I gotta admit, they kinda nailed it — that IS how I feel about wine. I would TOTALLY rub two wine bottles together (1:14) in the hopes of producing more wine.”

Then again, they started losing me at (1:25). At first, I thought “OK, masturbating the wine bottle, who doesn’t do that, it’s all part of the wine game,” but then? (1:28?) The neck braces? Umm . . . that doesn’t feel normal to me. I rarely wear my neck brace while enjoying a glass of wine.

But then I thought, “Maybe the neck brace will catch any wine I spill while slugging straight out of the bottle!” So I got on board with the neck brace.

Then the bear comes into it (1:32), and I’m like, “Hmm, not really sure where this is headed . . . not sure this still reflects my relationship to wine. . .”

AND THEN WE HIT (1:36). OK GUYS, YOU LOST ME. I mean, yeah, I like drinking wine, but come on.

I THINK I DRANK SOME BAD WINE.

Friday Face-Offs! WINNING VIDEO IS NEXT!!!

Was it Shakespeare who said, “If music be the wine of love, drink up?”

I think it was Shakespeare. Anyway, this vid is Shakespearean in its Tempest-ness of AWESOMENESS.

LOL, at (0:24) you can really hear how quiet the bass is. Like a fine Pinot Noir, the bass is so dark and rich!

And can I ask a question? At (0:56), is the guy in the white t-shirt feeling very good? I swear, it’s like he’s a Cabernet Sauvignoun (sp)– so smooth and well-balanced, with all the right notes!

Seriously, if they could make a wine that tasted the way that guy is feeling, I would buy it by the case.

But: Arrgghh, one thing about this video that makes me so frustrated is that they’re NOT DRINKING WINE! Dudes, you KNOW that when it comes to good times with old friends, wine is your best beverage choice! YOU’RE EVEN DANCING TO A SONG ABOUT HOW AWESOME IT IS!!! You could have bought a bottle of Rheisling (sp), Malbeck (sp), or MERLOT, so why are you drinking big bottles of Heineken, a.k.a. “the poor man’s Pinot Grigiot (sp)”?!?

Anyway, just had to get that off my chest.

LOL, back to the guy in the white t-shirt: Feelin’ sad at (1:29), would you say? Right after the little beer bottle boat floats by? He’s feelin’ glum? LOL, then the Sunkist bottle makes a cameo? Hello? Party off the hook much?

One more thing — (3:28): Guy reppin’ Toyota Corollas very hard?

Great video, congratulations to our winning team. (And now, finally, can I just say for the record that “Red Red Wine” is one of the worst songs ever recorded. Thanks.)

Friday Face-Offs! HERE ENDETH WINE WEEK. Thanks to everyone for their nice emails about wine and especially those who wrote in with messages of support re: MERLOT.

NEXT WEEK: THE LAST WEEK OF GYWO; I’LL BE POSTING GYWO MEMORIES ALL WEEK.

Have a good weekend.

Once I gave a GYWO lecture in West Virginia … in a huge assembly hall at a college … the hall was approximately 10% full … which made me feel approximately 10 inches tall … oh well, LOL …

LOL, just look at that body language! A man fully comfortable with himself, his career, and his public-speaking abilities …

MEMORIES.

(Photo credit: Zak Richards)

Wow, the memories are really flowing, huh? LOL.

Here’s a nice article about the big GYWO book that google alerts found for me. (Google alerts is like TIVO for the internet.)

And you know what? Rees was right like, 95% of the time (One thing he got wrong was when one of his characters, shocked that eight weeks of bombing Afghanistan had yet to kill bin Laden, said that U.S. bombing raids must be like the elixir of eternal life, and that Saddam Hussein would therefore live to be 400-years-old). He was certainly more right more often than, say, The New York Times or NBC News or Newsweek or Time or Bob Woodward, and therefore deserves the right to put “definitive account” on his book more than just about anyone else who consistently commented on the war.

YESSS!!! Thanks to J. Caleb Mozzocco for writing such an in-depth review of the book. I trust you will all join me in buying fifty copies???

A word of explanation:

I’m gonna stop making the GYWO cartoon on Inauguration Day. Rolling Stone has already published my final comic for them. (It’s in the current issue, with Bush weeping on the cover. Pick up a copy: COLLECTOR’S ITEM.)

My weekly newspaper clients (all 1,000 of them, LOL) will print their final GYWO comic late next week. I’ll get those online eventually.

THAT LEAVES THE GYWO VIDEOS. The videos have been on hiatus for a few months. I would be happy to continue making ‘em in the new year, but it all depends on whether 236.com (web site who commissioned/produced them) wants more.

Let us all hope they do, because I think it would be fun to make videos about all the exciting events in today’s world!

For instance, did you know Israel is about to defeat Hamas once and for all, thereby ending terror in Gaza? IT WOULD BE SO FUN TO MAKE A VIDEO ABOUT THAT!!!

Good ol’ Matt Taibbi wrote a review of Thomas Friedman’s new book, “Hot, Flat and Crowded.”

I made the accompanying illustration:

Check it out!

You can explore the property here.

A long-time MNFTIU reader writes to say he/she once worked a cocktail party at Thomas Friedman’s house.

Take it away:

. . . Upon entering the house, I noticed that the ceilings were very high — maybe 12-14 feet or even more. The interior was immaculate — I guessed that it had been cleaned by a professional team from top to bottom that very day, and the ceilings were so high that you would probably need stepladders to do it so perfectly. The floorboards, the tasteful blue-gray paint job, the fixtures, molding, and every piece of furniture seemed ultra-new, with no wear and tear.

When I washed my hands upon visiting the bathroom, I managed to let a drop of water get out of the sink, at which point I felt guilty because I pretty much ruined the perfectness of the bathroom at that point. The gathering eventually grew to about 30-40 people, all dressed in moderately formal attire. About midway through the evening, someone started clinking their glass and asked Tom to speak, at which point Thomas Friedman stood up and welcomed everyone to his home, at which point I realized that I was totally in Tom Friedman’s house.

I did not hear what he said, because that was the designated time for me and the other helpers to go to the kitchen and eat dinner prepared by his Ukrainian servant. The kitchen was huge, just like every other room in his house. I talked to the Ukrainian woman and Tom Friedman’s wife too, who was super nice and apparently is a schoolteacher. The Ukrainian woman is their full-time help, and I’m pretty sure they had another servant too.

The thing that blew me away was not merely the scale and sheer richness of their home — which was impressive; it was the fact that it was the home of a journalist-writer-pundit. Being an avid consumer of mainstream punditry, I always naively envision people like Tom Friedman living in a comfortable yet modest apartment on West End Avenue, with a couple of comfortable rooms and a big office somewhere with papers and books everywhere.

This was quite the opposite — a total showpiece, with every detail in perfect order. It finally dawned on me that Tom Friedman must sell so many books that he is the equivalent of Madonna in terms of sales, which is how he can afford his humongous crib. That, plus he really really likes to impress his guests with his house.

Have any other readers been in Thomas Friedman’s house? Send me your memories/impressions . . . anonymity guaranteed . . .

Have any MNFTIU readers been inside Thomas Friedman’s moustache? Send your memories/impressions/sensations/celebrations . . . anonymity guaranteed . . .

MNFTIU reader SD raises an important — AND UNSETTLING — point about that photo of Thomas Friedman’s house . . .

. . . (L)ess concerning than the size of Freidman’s house is the fact that nothing on his property casts a shadow. LOL, how many house servants does it take to eliminate all shadows on your property?

Hmm . . . any ideas, guys? Are the Friedmans employing an army of shadow-scrubbers? It makes sense to me. After all, Mr. Friedman is famous for his sunny outlook . . . he’s always looking on the bright side of life/invasions . . . it would be embarrassing if someone came to his house and noticed a bunch of shadows lying around . . . unseemly . . .

Amid all the LOL’s we’re having about Thomas Friedman’s house, let’s not forget he also advocated t*rrorism against Palestinians.

What can I say? LOL.

LOL, “Hot, Flat and Crowded.”

By the way, LOL, does Glenn Greenwald update his columns very much?

UPDATE I: Still LOL’ing about how Greenwald never updates his columns.

UPDATE II: Man, maybe Greenwald should consider adding updates to his columns sometimes.

UPDATE III: LOL, like if a reader chimes in on something Greenwald has written, he could incorporate his response into his column, as an update. Too crazy?

UPDATE IV: Naw, he should try it.

Thanks to everyone who sent this video.

Beacon, NY resident Pete Seeger, age 89, destroys everyone within goosebump-distance.

One thing:

(3:37.) ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME.

“Nobody living /
can ever stop me /
as I go walking /
on freedom highway.”

Pete Seeger? He’s pretty stoppable. LOL, umm . . . yeah, you’re gonna be stoppin’ him. “Nobody living can ever stop me.” I gotta give Pete Seeger infinity weepy LOLs, because does he kill that lyric very hard? LOL, the man is eighty-nine years old and he makes Ghostface Killah sound like Pee-wee Herman.

Eighty-nine years old . . . still keeping EVERYONE on notice.

From a flyer I designed for an Obama fundraiser, when we hoped Pete would be able to perform:

“Executive hubris”

“Imperial overreach”

“Epic incompetence”

“Preternatural ebullience”

“Fathomless lack of curiosity”

“Disdain for empirical reality”

“Most fiscally incontinent (!!!) of presidents”

“Terribly wrong”

This time tomorrow, George W. Bush won’t be president.

This is me, twenty-four hours from now:

Seriously, guys: HAVE WE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE? Bush withdrawal may be more painful than I anticipated.