Best of 2015: PALINDROMES

Palindromes are words and phrases that look the same on the page and in a mirror. They are one of the easiest and most rewarding ways to have fun with our language, which is why they spark our imaginations and make us smile. And when it comes to palindromes, 2015 was definitely a year for the record books, Scooby-Doo! (Almost a palindrome!)

After all, we’re in a cultural moment where up is down and black is the new white, so it should come as no surprise that forwards is the new backwards. It’s all about changing perspective and seeing the same old thing. The comforts of home, hidden in the energy of the new. This year was custom-made for palindromes, so let’s celebrate!

Here are the TOP TEN PALINDROMES OF 2015:

10. Jeb! !Bej

9. Antarctic ice melted — delete mice cantata.

8. Derrida, Drake’s e-card arrived!

7. Attention: Marco Rubio buried O.C. ram? No. It never.

6. Ho! Sepp Blatter, FIFA cad, has a cassette of Right Said Fred! Oh …

5. (TIE) We listened to “Serial” — liars’ O.T. denial, ew! / Zuckerberg grabs truck nutz

4. Star Wars sucks rats

3. Volkswagen fuel probs, bro! Le uf-neg wawa, uh-huh.

2. ISIS is sissies

1. Toyota Yogurt



It’s no secret that 2015 was a great year for corporations. From record profits to extraordinary innovations, this was a year when our friends in the corporate world were able to put their best foot forward and light up the sky.

It has been long established that corporations are people. So it should come as no surprise that, just like our favorite people on TV, corporations have catchphrases: Pithy sayings that reveal everything about their brands’ personality, sense of humor, and values.

Simply put, these corporate catchphrases are called SLOGANS.

Slogans define the best qualities of corporations. If future historians ever want to know what life was like in 2015, all they need do is collect the year’s corporate slogans and read them one after another, like a grand novel of sweeping ambition … a litany of greatness … an ode to excellence itself … an epic tale of American business like no other.

It’s time to take a stand, look corporations in the eye, and say “Thank you for being a friend.” Here are THE TOP TEN CORPORATE SLOGANS OF 2015:

10. “It’s not just an integrated network, it’s an IBM integrated network” (IBM Integrated Networks)

9. “Live your best life now” (Yves St. Laurent)

8. “Say hello to friends and family using our web site, it’s Facebook-time” (Facebook)

7. “You can pretend to live in Mexico while you eat our food. Taco Bell … for all your fantasies” (Taco Bell)

6. “A long time ago, from a galaxy far away, we’re back” (Star Wars: The Force, Part VII)

5. (TIE) “Coors is really great” (Coors Brewing Co.) / “From nails to bath mats, we have everything you need to build a house, step inside, Daddy’s home” (Home Depot)

4. “If music be the food of love, play on — Shakespeare for Spotify” (

3. “American Napkins … need we say more? Let’s make a mess together, united we stand.” (American Napkin Alliance)

2. “Bow down before your master and lick his shoes and throw all your money at him” (Apple)

1.  “Wally’s Cement for president” (Wally’s Cement)

Best of 2015: JOKES

Sometimes, during a year like 2015, it can be hard to remember to keep your sense of humor. With so much unhappiness in the world, we often forget to slow down and smell the roses — or should I say, laugh at the roses? Because when God was handing out noses, you thought He said “roses” and asked for a big red one, and that’s why your nose is so fat and ugly, you stupid ding-dong! (An example of humor making a tough situation a little easier.)

Americans love to laugh at themselves; that’s one of the things that makes us different. And 2015 was no different. So put on your party hat, hitch up your laughing pants, and laugh along to the BEST JOKES OF 2015:

10. What did Bernie Sanders say when his home burned down? “Feel the bern!” (But he pronounced ‘bern’ like ‘barn’ because his home is a barn because he’s an old goat and he eats straw and tin cans all day, “Nom nom ooh this old rusty can is delicious” — Bernie Sanders restaurant review.)

9. I wouldn’t exactly say I’m afraid of Syrian refugees, but when I dressed up as the Joker (from Batman) for Halloween, I said, “WHY SO SYRIA’S?” as my catchphrase (pronounced like “Why so serious”).

8. So, did you hear that Kanye West and Kim Kirkdashian had a new baby? That’s right, and they give him the perfect name: ‘LITTLE EGOMANIAC (America, when did we lose our way?)’. “Wait — that’s all the same name?” Yes it is! I told you we live in interesting times …

7. Why didn’t Donald Trump participate in the Paris Climate Accord? Because his mouth is full of hot air, which is now illegal in France!

6. I found someone who liked the second season of True Detective so much, they named their son after it: His name is Ivan the TERRIBLE

5. Call me old fashioned, but I prefer GIRLS GONE WILD to P.C. CULTURE GONE WILD!

4. (TIE) What’s the difference between the economy and the election? “One is IN the toilet, and the other is broadcast on a TOILET” / “Knock, knock!” “Who’s there?” “Benghazi.” “Benghazi who?” “Ben Ghazi, and speak up if you please, I’m hard of HEARINGS”

3. There’s a new movie about a guy trapped on Mars all by himself. It’s called PRESIDENT OBAMA’S APPROVAL RATINGS

2. Jeb Bush put an exclamation point on his campaign logo. Maybe he should’ve chosen a question mark instead!

1. Did you hear about the group of rebels in outer space wearing funny clothes and fighting an evil empire with laser swords? It’s called MSNBC and FOX NEWS!


America has been called “the Land of Milk and Honey,” but since our bees are dying and we’re about to run out of honey (America when did we lose our way), perhaps it’s time to focus the national conversation on milk. And where would our milk be without an amazing technology called pasteurization?


Simply put, pasteurization is what makes American milk the envy of the world. And we happen to be living in a golden age of pasteurization. Whether your interest lies with innovations or general aspects of the practice, if you counted yourself a citizen of “Pasteurization Nation” you were rewarded beyond your wildest dreams in 2015. It’s the same old song, with a contemporary twist: We heat our milk to kill germs and improve the taste and vitamins and that’s why 2015 was better than ever when it came to milk and pasteurization —  i.e., this year and every year, it always comes down to one simple thing: Pasteurization of milk in 2015.

Without any further ado, let’s get right to the point: Here are the TOP TEN PASTEURIZATION INNOVATIONS AND ASPECTS OF 2015:

10. Standard pasteurization with a twist

9. Really good pasteurization

8. Scientists working with pasteurization for the benefit of all

7. (TIE) Marvelous pasteurization / All-American pasteurization, the pride of our nation

6. Milky fun (pasteurization)

5. (TIE) Premium cable dramas about the history of pasteurization that help us realize old-timey people were just like us: They dreamed, they drank, they agonized over the development of PASTEURIZATION / Mechanical pasteurization

4. FDA-compliant pasteurization

3. When bae gets you a new pasteurization array for your anniversary

2. Some of the best pasteurization

1. The greatest pasteurization of all time, bar none


B1. Pastures

Best of 2015: SOCIAL MEDIA


What a year for social media! Facebook, twitter, tumblr, instagram, whatsapp, slack, vonage, and paypal all continued to show record gains in usernames and integration. If you want to socialize online, the best choice is as clear as day: Social media. After all, to be human is to be social!


10. Online social media

9. Getting into social media in 2015

8. The top five social media sites

7. New things to do on social media

6. Clicking “like” on social media

5. Having a political argument on social media, and then the person you were arguing with writes you a personal note to thank you for changing his or her mind about the issue.

4. (TIE) “Mommy, I’m bored!” “Go play on social media.” / “Boss, how should we increase sales?” “Let’s use social media.”

3. Getting things done on social media

2. Elements of social media

1. Connecting with fellow humans on social media

Best of 2015: CELERY


Celery (Apium graveolens var. dulce) is a plant variety in the family Apiaceae. Back in 2014, it seemed celery was yesterday’s news and on its way out. We didn’t care about celery. Nobody wanted what celery was selling. In a word, it seemed celery was toast. What a difference a year makes! From celery juice to uncooked celery, from celery-based diets to celery-based culture, if 2015 is remembered as anything, it will be remembered as “The Year America Fell In Love With Celery All Over Again (And Not A Moment Too Soon, If I May Speak Freely Regarding This Matter).”


Think we’re exaggerating? Seven different short stories in the New Yorker magazine featured celery as a plot device in 2015. Three top-ten rap songs mentioned celery in their lyrics. And just about every famous celebrity was photographed enjoying a piece of celery within the past four months alone. If that’s not proof of a profound celery renaissance, then put me in a padded cell, because “I must-a be-a goin’ crazy” (I wrote this in an Italian accent because celery is from Rome probably).



ALSO I MUST SAY ONE THING: When you think about it, we should’ve seen the Great Celery Comeback of 2015 from miles away. After all, we live in a culture that is obsessed with celebrity. And what is “celebrity,” but the word “celery” with a few letters added? And those letters — b, r, and i — when rearranged, spell rib. And who was borne of Adam’s rib? That’s right: Eve, the first woman and the original bad-girl celebrity! So you see, it’s always been celery. Every single time … it was celery. Morning, noon, and night … ever celery. Always celery. In fact, celery is standing right behind you. Turn around and embrace celery and close your eyes and let its black tendrils consume your innocence as you sigh with pleasure and dread.

young woman having her breakfast with water and celery

Here are the TOP TEN CELERY OF 2015:

10. Nice celery

9. Tasty celery

8. Watery celery

7. Fibrous celery

6. Local celery

5. “Hennnnry! Did you remember to pick up some celery?” “Yes, dear.”

4. Restaurant celery

3. (TIE) A man got a tattoo of celery / Celery salt

2. “Ants on a log” (celery snack with peanut butter and raisins, were we ever so young, America when did we lose our way)

1. The world’s greatest piece of celery




Best of 2015: EGGS AND HATS

Travel Pictures Ltd

At first, you might not think of eggs and hats in the same room, let alone in the same sentence, let alone in the same hottest trend. But every so often new combinations capture our imaginations in unexpected ways, and 2015 was no different. This was the year when eggs and hats finally stepped into the spotlight, hand in hand. And boy, were they ready to shine! When it comes to eggs and hats, 2015 brought alllll the feels. ‘Nuff said.

Here are the TOP TEN EGGS AND HATS OF 2015:

10. Eggs

9. Wonderful eggs and hats

8. People using hats as baskets for carrying eggs from the car to the house

7. Easter eggs being smashed by people wearing Easter bonnets*

6. Taking your yearbook photo wearing a silly hat and holding an egg

5. Baseball caps and cowboy hats with pictures of omelets on them

4. When an egg falls out of a chicken’s private part and you say, “I tip my HAT to you, fair chicken! Thanks for the egg!” and the chicken promptly falls over and rolls down the hill onto a HAT

3. (TIE) Delicious eggs a-sizzlin’ and stylish hats a-wagglin’ / Writing the word “hat” on an egg in your best cursive, just to see what it looks like

2. The best eggs and hats you’ve ever seen

1. TRIVIA: Shakespeare is the only man who was able to rhyme “egg” and “hat” in a monologue

(*A bonnet is a type of hat)

Best of 2015: POLITICS


2015 will always be remembered as the year American politics graduated to the big leagues. From record campaign spending to real-time scandals playing out at lightning speed, suddenly it seemed like the stakes had never been higher … and we couldn’t get enough. Our love of government was rewarded as never before.

Well-informed voters have always been the bedrock of American democracy, and thanks to cable news and online blogs, voters enjoyed more information in 2015 than in all other years combined. In fact, the 24-hour news cycle and the taste for controversy made some “news junkies” even smarter and savvier than Thomas Jefferson could have imagined when he led the architects of this grand American experiment known as our country.

No matter if you’re Republican, Democrat, or Communist, as we look back over the year in politics, let’s remember one simple fact: Whoever is elected the next president of the United States will by definition be the most qualified chief executive of all time, because We the People will have spoken.


10. Interesting political stories

9. Compelling political stories

8. Riveting political stories

7. People-based political stories

6. The economy political stories

5. All-American political stories

4. Speeches and announcements

3. Political stories that made us smile

2. The best candidates and ideas

1. “Who will win the election?”


Best of 2015: MOVIES

Ah, the cinema: We get settled into our seats, the lights go down, the screen comes alive, and we are children once more — delighting in the best the cinema has to offer! Movies are where we go to learn how to dream again.


And what dreams we saw in 2015! From sci-fi epics to domestic dramas, the world of cinema was alive as never before this year. Movies hold a mirror up to society and allow us to see ourselves as we truly are, and for that we must thank movies.

Here are the BEST MOVIES OF 2015:

10. The worst movies ever made

9. Pretty bad movies

8. Movies that are all right, but you wouldn’t want to pay full price

7. Movies where you pay full price, and then wonder if it was worth it, but then decide the movie wasn’t the worst thing you’ve ever seen, so paying full price is okay

6. Movies where paying full price was definitely worth it

5. Movies that are so good, you wish you could pay the movie even more money for watching it … it’s just that good

4. (TIE) Really, really good movies / “Did you see that wonderful movie?”

3. Some of the greatest masterpieces of cinema ever created

2. Silly movies

1. 3D movies — “Look out! That car is about to hit us! Hennnnrrryy!!!” “It’s just a movie, dear.” “Oh, I forgot we were at the movies Henry.”


Best of 2015: OUTRAGE

If you did something bad and hoped to stay out of the headlines, 2015 was not the year for you! If you thought everyone would be on their best behavior, you had another thing coming! There’s a famous bumper sticker that reads, “If you’re not outraged, you’re not paying attention.” Never has this bumper sticker been more true than in 2015. Sometimes I hypothesize that whoever wrote that bumper sticker already knew about 2015 and what was going to happen this year, and that’s why they made the bumper sticker. Why? Because this year (2015, the main year I’m talking about) was truly a year defined by outrage. Is it any wonder the Society of Historians probably just nbest_of_2015_outrageamed 2015 “The Year Of Outrage?” No. And you can feel free to put that on a bumper sticker!

Outrage was everywhere this year. And perhaps for the first time, it didn’t discriminate between the real world and the online world. From politics to entertainment to business to the internet to professional sports to journalism to science to your family to you yourself — if you hoped to steer clear of outrage, you were out of luck! And maybe that’s the biggest outrage of all, when you think about it.

But it’s important to keep outrage in perspective: After all, if there were no storm clouds, we would never have rainstorms. And rainstorms are one of the main causes of what makes flowers grow. Here are the TOP TEN OUTRAGES OF 2015:

10. Awful outrages

9. Depressing outrages

8. Loathsome outrages

7. Hideous outrages

6. (TIE) Disgusting outrages / Shocking outrages

5. Pathetic outrages

4. Terrible outrages

3. Pretty good outrages

2. Wonderful outrages

1. The best outrages